Facing our own Mortality.
By Dr. Gabriella Kőrösi
Death is hard to face. It can be a sudden and unexpected visitor leaving shock, disbelief and sorrow behind.
The week started as any other normal week. People had enjoyed the weekend. There were wonderful conversations on Monday morning who did what during the last few days. Monday was great. Nobody knew yet that there was something wrong. Nobody at work and in the community anyway. The family knew that they were missing someone. By the next morning we all knew. He was not at work. He enjoyed the weekend, and something had happened. He did not return home. He did not come in to see his patients. He was missing. There was hope in the beginning. He was a survivor, people were hoping. I was hoping. There was hope for a little while, then this feeling sets in. He is not coming back. It has been too long. There is a moment when if you concentrate on a person you can feel their presence. I had stopped feeling that presence after a few days.
Then we heard the news. They had found his body and he is really not coming back. Even though everyone knew that this was a possibility. Now it was real. He is certainly not coming back. Death spoke his final words. There is no hope, there is nothing. He died. There is shock, disbelief, anger, and a multitude of emotions sit in. How and why, this had happened? He was such a wonderful man. Why did he had to die? He took care of so many others. He was an established pillar in his community. He died so sudden. Sadness sits in. Grief hits hard. Yet, life still goes on. One thing for sure in the middle of the storm everyone faces the loss and also face the fact that this could have been me. I could have died that day. Life is fragile and precious. If he died who was so full of life and charisma anyone can die at any moment.
Death is not something we think about every day. Yet in the past year there had been a lot of conversations about death. We are in the middle of a pandemic after all. More than 524,000 people had died just in the United States alone. A lot of souls to grieve. A lot of families left behind. There are so many deaths every day. This is different. All losses are hard, yet sudden unexpected loss seem to be the hardest. In the pandemic we know that deaths are a possibility. Someone leaving for the weekend to have fun and not coming back leaves deeper wounds. There is no time to prepare. There is no moments to hold a hand or to say goodbye. There is no chance to say the last words of love, caring or wisdom. It can be hard to face death. There is no bargaining, there is no way out. He is really gone. He will be missed greatly by his family, friends, co-workers, patients, and his community.
I am grateful for all the wonderful work he had done in addictions, family practice and pain management. I hope he did not suffer. He will be missed by many.
Thank you, Dr. Cockcroft, for all you have done for so many.
May your soul and spirit rest in peace.
www.gabriellakorosi.org
Daily Astorian: https://www.dailyastorian.com/news/local/seaside-doctor-remembered-for-spirit-of-service/article_9ed4b9da-7216-11eb-ba89-93df224d5c00.html
https://www.forevermissed.com/ben-david-cockroft/about
https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/us/
